Approximate read time: 4 minutes
It’s really hard for someone to change their mind.
And if you do, you run the risk of buyer’s remorse because they will think they have been duped.
Partly due to the Commitment and Consistency effect in psychology.
When people make a commitment, they act and think in ways that are consistent with that.
For example, if someone thinks kink is wrong, they will act and think in ways that are consistent with that.
The other part is that the way people think and act has served them well all their life.
People have their strong suits and winning formulas for a reason.
Think about it this way; they wouldn’t have survived if they thought and acted differently than they have done.
Although there are some ways that can help change people’s mind.
The first is crucible style events.
A crucible event is “a situation of severe trial, or in which different elements interact, leading to the creation of something new.”
That something new is a new belief.
Beliefs create thoughts.
Thoughts create emotions.
Emotions create decisions.
Decisions create actions.
Actions create results.
Getting cancer is crucible event.
Getting dumped by the love of your life is a crucible event.
Losing your life savings is a crucible event.
And so on…
What these situations do is drastically change one’s perspective.
We see the world one way.
Then a situation of severe trial comes along.
Then we see the world another way that is different than before.
In a new way.
A new belief.
You can replicate crucible events for people, without the tragedy:
Humans are motivated primarily to move towards pleasure and away from pain or both.
You need to know what this pleasure or pain is.
Next, you need to show that person what they are doing is not moving towards pleasure or away from pain or both.
Albert Einstein’s definition of insanity is relevant here: “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Next, you need to show that person a new approach is needed.
Due to opportunity cost, people only switch approaches if it is faster or easier.
Speed or automation.
In the simplest form, money, time and effort are really the only currencies we have.
You then need to show them this faster, or easier way will move towards pleasure and away from pain or both.
This all requires a deep level of trust and your genuine investment helping them, for them, not for your benefit.
And of course, trust is “confidence placed in a person from the building of rapport by saying what you will do and then doing what you said,” or saying what you will not do and then not doing what you said.
Trust is built through the mutual exchange of:
- Emotional Willingness;
- Polite Conversation;
- Facts & Information;
- Compliments;
- Commonalities;
- Ideas & Opinions;
- Feelings & Emotions; and
- Authenticity & Congruence.
The later elements can’t be done without the former ones.
And you can’t skip any of them with someone new, but once you have established one of them, you can skip right back to that point.
When trust is present, there is rapport.
Rapport being a close relationship.
And a lot of the time, you just can’t change people, but you can CHANGE (swap) people, by screening for alignment at the start.